ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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