I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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