we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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