this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
