I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
