he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
