I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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