He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
