I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
