dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
