I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
