She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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