I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
