His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
