just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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