I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
