My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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