I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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