Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
