you're like a bully in the Christmas story
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
