There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
