I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
