she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
