They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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