Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
