looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
