If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
