We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
