youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize