The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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