It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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