"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
