i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize