one might say we're banned from that church
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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