Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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