I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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