dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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