I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize