I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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