Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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