the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
