She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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