he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
