the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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