Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize