So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
