Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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