I just made out with a guy for $7.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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