I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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