Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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