so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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