We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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