I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
