Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
