ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
