dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
