Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
