he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
