Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
