He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
