Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize