Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
