I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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