Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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