she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
