South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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