he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
