It was confusing and full of hummus
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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