just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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