I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
