if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
