you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize