I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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