Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
