): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
smell my finger.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
