You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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