he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
