there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
