Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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