During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
