I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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