OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Small penises have feelings too.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
