if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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