And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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