I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
