plz talk dirty to me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize