he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
