I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
