Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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